#7 - Sit Up = Whoppers
Sit ups are the first exercise we do every morning, the last one we do at night. One of the OG (original gangster, for the uninitiated) exercises, even though there have been more effective core movements proliferated since then, sit ups have remained a fixture in standardized fitness assessments.
Like a sit-up, Whoppers originated long ago (1939...yeesh) at a time when there was little competition for their attention (I see you salt water taffy). Those who subscribed early still use whoppers as their go-to comfort candy thinking to themselves "Wow, no other candy can possibly be better than this!"
*Narrator voice* "They were."
#6 - Plank = Twizzlers (classic reds)
No one really looks forward to them but once you start, you can't argue with the results.
#5 - Bicep Curl = Kit- Kat
Most of us love a Kit-Kat the way we love our favorite cousin. Love when they are around, but you're less likely to seek it out outside the holiday season.
Crucially, both Bicep Curls and Kit-Kats can be tackled together or one at a time.
#4 - Kettlebell Swing = Starburst
Another classic. Kettlebell swings are an essential part of any training routine and starburst are an equally vital part of any candy arsenal worth a damn. Effective as they are, Kettlebell Swings and starbursts are both one cold room away from being your worst nightmare.
Spare your shoulders, lower back, and teeth and always warm up before diving in.
#3 - Burpee = Candy Corn
This one's simple - You either hate them or love them... and if you love them, there might be something wrong with you.
#2 - Push Up = Hershey's Bar
A true classic no matter your preference or persuasion. Dark, milk, almonds, big, small, mini, wide, close, feet up, feet down, single arm; the variety and staying power are enough to overwhelm even the most seasoned athlete, olympic and chocolate alike.
For decades Hershey's and push-ups have been the gold standard of excellence and dependability in their respective categories and we're a more hype society because of it.
Much love Pennsylvania and the laws of gravity!
#1 - Squat = Snickers
It should come as no surprise that the granddaddy of all exercises would be the rock foundation on which we build our candy church! You could argue (and I will) that if you do one exercise regularly, make it a squat. The benefit of being able to just stand without thinking about it will keep you moving confidently and help stave away chronic sacroiliac issues for the rest of your life!
Similarly, imagine you are kidnapped by boat by your former crew because they want you to pull off one last job - you have a family now, you're not that person anymore - and they decide to strand you on a desert island with no food Jack Sparrow-style. Then, as they're driving away, your closest friend in the crew, Big Mike, who was your right hand man through all those jobs with, has second thoughts and throws you a candy bar to keep you alive until the coast guard arrives... You better PRAY it's a Snickers! Thanks to the peanuts, chocolate, caramel and nougat center, you'll have the energy to build a smoke signal and spell out full sentence SOS messages in dried out tree limbs across the beach!
Stay silly, SPENGA. Enjoy your Halloween!
